How far can you take this?
11/28/2022.
Putting your attention on the transition between the breaths is placing yourself in the doorway, in the posture, of liberation.
Shiva is a complete mantra by itself. Hear the sound of the breath, whether inward or outward, as "sh", meaning "sh" (quiet!). Allow the meaning, "sh", be quiet, inside, and let yourself be a little more quiet. Hear the kumbhaka as "waa". The kumbhaka is the pause between the breaths. Pay attention to the transition between inward and outward breaths, whether it is an extended stoppage or just a momentary reversal of direction. The inner experience of that is the "waa"; it's more about the meaning of "waa" and the feeling you may observe within the kumbhaka, those two being the same quality. "waa" is a non-linguistic utterance like "um" or "uhuh", meaning Wow, or OMG, or here is the letting go moment or the letting go experience. Don't you associate saying "waa" with having that experience? You could do the full drama of it, say waa, waaaa, aaahhhh, and let your eyes roll up in your head, tilt your head back, extend it into a slowing breath and into silence, like the moment when you've finally experienced perfection. That's the idea, but it's not about having an idea in your mind but rather an experience in your emotions that you feel. And one feels it naturally while watching that transition between the in and the out or the out and the in breaths. The central part of the experience is that letting go part within your emotional awareness. Just put your attention there, and watch it, it's not something that you do but something that you allow yourself to become aware of that's going on by itself.
For a month or so my meditation has been focussing just on the "sh" for every breath, in sh, out sh, in sh, out sh. Then trying also to be aware of "waa", first to discover that release experience, then to learn from it, because it is a universal release experience, no matter your identification, "waa" lets go of it, and that's a long sadhana of all the things you think you are or might be, you can let go of them all, when you're holding one and "waa" occurs and now you can let go of that one too, which you didn't even realize you were holding on to.
The upwelling delight is right there.